Totally Stupid Gifts

What They Say: "If it doesn't clear up in a week, give me a call."

What They Mean: "I don't know what the hell it is. Maybe it will go away by itself."

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What They Say: "I'd like to prescribe a new drug."

What They Mean: "I'm writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig."

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What They Say: "That's quite a nasty looking wound."

What They Mean: "I think I'm going to throw up."

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What They Say: "This should fix you up."

What They Mean: The drug salesman guaranteed that it kills all symptoms.

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What They Say: "Everything seems to be normal."

What They Mean: "I guess I can't buy that new beach condo after all."

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What They Say: "I'd like to run some more tests."

What They Mean: "I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one."

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What They Say: "If those symptoms persist, call for an appointment."

What They Mean: "I've never heard of anything so disgusting. Thank God I'm off next week."