Albert and the Lion


There's a famous seaside town called Blackpool,
noted for fresh air and for fun.
And Mr and Mrs Ramsbottom went there,
with young Albert their son.

A grand little lad was young Albert,
all dressed in his best, quite a swell,
with a stick with an horses head handle,
the finest that Woolworth's could sell.

They didn’t think much of the ocean,
the waves they was piddling and small,
no wrecks and nobody drowned,
'fact nothing to laugh at at all.

So seeking further amusement,
they paid and went into the zoo.
Where they had lions and tigers and camels,
and old ale and sandwiches too.

There was one big lion called Wallace,
his nose was all covered in scars.
He lay in a somnolent posture,
with the side of his face on the bars.

Now Albert had heard about lions,
how they were ferocious and wild,
and to see Wallace so peaceful,
well it didn't seem right to the child.

So straightway the young fella,
not showing one morsel of fear,
took his stick with horses head handle,
and shoved it in Wallace's ear.

You could see that the lion didn't like it,
for giving a kind of a roll,
pulled Albert in cage with him,
and swallowed the little lad whole.

Now Pa who had seen the occurrence,
and didn’t know what to do next, said,
"Yon lions eaten young Albert",
and mother said, "well I am vexed".

Now Mr and Mrs Ramsbottom,
quite rightly when all said and done,
complained to the animal keeper,
that the lion had eaten their son.

The keeper was quite nice about it,
he said "What a nasty mishap",
"Are you sure it's your boy he's eaten?"
Pa said "Am I sure, here's his cap".

The manager had to be sent for,
he came and said, "What's to do?"
Pa said "Yon lions eaten our Albert"'
"and him in his Sunday clothes too."

The manager wanted no trouble,
he took out his purse right away,
saying "How much to settle the matter?"
Pa said, "What do you usually pay?"

But mother returned a bit awkward,
when she thought that her Albert had gone.
She said, "No, someone's got to be summonsed".
So a charge was decided upon.

Then off they went to the Police Station,
in front of the Magistrate chap.
They told him what happened to Albert,
and proved it by showing his cap.

The Magistrate gave his opinion,
that no one was really to blame,
and he said that he hoped the Ramsbottom's,
would have further sons to their name.

At that Mother turned rather nasty,
"And thank you Sir kindly said she,
"What waste all our lives raising children,
To feed ruddy lions, not me!"